


Aabdaar (n,verb): an unfair demand

by takemylifenotmyheart



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, bengali au, bengali au bucky, bucky x bengali reader, bucky x desi!reader, bucky x poc reader - Freeform, desi AU, idk how tags work someone help me, second one bitches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 19:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16939659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemylifenotmyheart/pseuds/takemylifenotmyheart
Summary: You haven’t seen Bucky in over years when he unexpectedly turns up for pujo. “How good an idea was it to fall for someone when you knew they’d be gone so soon?”





	Aabdaar (n,verb): an unfair demand

You stood half dressed in your balcony, taking in the crowds in South Kolkata on oshtomi evening. Of course it was a little crazy, but that was pujo. Full of warmth and loving but also just a little out of hand at times. Bucky lay on the bed in your room, simply going through your playlist that was playing on your speakers, not changing the songs. You turned back to look at him. Bucky, your Bucky from the para, the one you’d grown up with, your Bucky who’d suddenly come back to Kolkata after all these years and undone everything, your Bucky who you were afraid you might be falling for. He looked up, saw you looking at him and smiled warmly. Your insides fluttered - that wasn’t good was it? How good an idea was it to fall for someone when you knew they’d be gone so soon? But then again it was Bucky and you never did know how to control yourself when it came to him and you never learnt either. Bucky had always been your excuse, your jail free card even while growing up. As you looked on, the song playing on the speakers changed and you smiled wistfully at the turn of events and at how the song eerily matched the circumstances - no one could have seen it coming.

You hadn’t heard the song in over months and something about the song, something about the entire situation - pujo, Bucky, oshtomi, falling in love maybe - made your heart lurch. You felt a strange uneasiness, as if you didn’t deserve the crippling happiness you were experiencing at this moment, it felt like it was too much. You turned away from the balcony towards the dresser nearby and shuffled about in your bag until you found a cigarette. Lighting it and taking a drag, you went back out into the balcony and watched yourself let out the smoke slowly. At that exact moment was when Anupam Roy’s voice started singing and your life had never felt more like something just out of a movie. 

Fire gechhe koto, boba tunnel'er gola cheere aalo, ichhera chhute chole,

Sharatadin juure, tumi anagona korechho shei shuure, taar rong lege aache,

Obujher pencil;

So much has rushed by silent tunnels, light searing its walls, wants rushing by;

The entire day, you’ve paced up and down keeping those memories in mind, their colours still remain;

Another drag, and you started humming along.

“I didn’t know you could sing.”

You hadn’t realised when Bucky had walked over from the bed and was now standing, facing you.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me, Bucky,” you taunted playfully.

“But I want to.” Your eyes locked with him while he spoke and the teasing smile on your face faded at the sincerity in his tone. You stood there staring at his face, not knowing what to say or do for a few solid seconds, the slightest crinkle of the cigarette burning in the almost deafening silence. With nothing else to turn to, you made use of it.

“Drag nibi?”

Do you want a drag (do you want to take a puff out of my cigarette)?

“De.” 

Give (Pass it to me.)

You held out the cigarette in between your fingers, Bucky took it and held it to his lips, the end between his index and his thumb. You watched the smoke as he let it out from between his soft pink lips. It looked so hypnotizing that momentarily you allowed yourself to wonder how it would’ve been if he lived here or if you lived in New York. Shaking your head free yourself from those thoughts, you spotted a nearly finished bottle of old monk on the dresser next to you. You grabbed it and downed whatever was left of it in a single, solid go. You scrunched your face up as the raw rum burned its way down your throat, there was definitely more in that bottle than you’d expected.

“Whoa whoa, and I get nothing, really?” 

“You said you didn’t drink remember? Last night? Ebar ota dey. Now give me that.” You thrust your hand out with an open palm and Bucky obliged. You finished whatever was left of it in two solid drags and flicked it out after putting it out. You turned to see Bucky make a disapproving face at you but you just stuck your tongue out at him in protest. Bucky softly laughed still standing, leaning against the balcony, watching you walk all over the room as you made your way to the bed. He didn’t remember the last time when he had felt so fondly about another person. You plonked down on the bed and looked around you in slight confused until your eyes found Bucky, and then you just smiled sweetly, the rum working it’s magic already. Bucky smiled back and both your hearts fluttered at each other’s sight. It was like lovesick teenagers in middle school once again, too shy and too scared to confess but just their smile made your world go round. Bucky felt a strong urge to protect you, to shield you from all possible harm. He didn’t know what from, he didn’t know why he felt that way. All he knew was that he’d do anything to keep that smile from fading from your face, ever, if he could help it. Just as soon as he realized that, he also remembered that he was going to leave very soon, in less than three days to be precise and it really didn’t help that he was falling harder for you every day. Bucky looked over at you on the bed, singing without a care in the world. His heart felt like it would spontaneously combust from switching between soaring happiness at seeing you and the sinking despair that he was going to have to leave all of it, you, sooner than he was ready to. All this joy felt just within his grasp and so completely out of his reach at the same time. Bucky hated how little time he had left with you. It wasn’t enough, it wasn’t nearly enough and yet it was all he had. 

Bhalobasha baaki aache tomaro amar kaache,

Ja cheyechho dite ami parina,

Amaro shomoye daale furiye eshechhe pata,

Eto prem kaache eshe elona; 

Your love is still left with me,

I couldn’t give you want to wanted,

The branch of my life is losing leaves,

All this love came this close and yet it’s so far;

“Bucky!” You insistently called out, disgruntled about the fact that your drunk self loved to be physically affectionate and the object of your affection was nowhere within touching distance.

“I’m here, doll. Bolo. Say.” Bucky shook himself out of his thoughts, walked over and sat facing you, an amused grin adorning his pretty, perfect features. You giggled and then proceeded to carefully trace his face with your fingertips like a child. It somehow felt forbidden, what you were doing. It was nothing and yet the proximity felt intoxicating. Bucky had features that looked like they’d been carved out by angel, there was no way any ordinary person could grow up to be as beautiful as he was. His gorgeous brown eyes followed yours intently as your fingers wandered aimlessly over his face, stroking here and brushing there. Your giggles quickly faded away to give way to absolute awe as you drunk in his careless beauty. Bucky closed his eyes and let you trace the outline of his face, his jawline but not for long. He couldn’t bear to not see you even for the shortest time and so he kept popping his eyes open as you poked his cheek and that just made you giggle even more. He cracked a grin at you and you only pouted in disapproval. You grabbed his face by both your hands as firmly as you could and sternly look at him before shutting his eyelids softly with your thumb.

“Bhalo chhele, good boy,” you said proudly, like you would give him a gold star if you had one. Actually, you’d give Bucky all the gold stars you had, you reasoned with your slightly intoxicated self. Bucky having shut his eyes, you ran your thumbs down in parallel lines from his eyes, over his cheeks to the edges of his lips, as if trying to commit to memory how his skin felt to your touch before he was gone. Your fingers moved to slowly trace the outline of his soft, full lips. Bucky gulped as his lips involuntarily parted, your fingers were dancing on the edges of his lips and somehow this innocent action felt much more intimate. You were tracing the edges of his open lips towards the centre when Bucky decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed your thighs and pulled you onto his own lap as his own lips finally met yours in a hungry, starved kiss. Your nails dug into his back and made their way up. He groaned like a keyed up toy car against your lips each time you grabbed his hair and you smiled against him at how easy it was to rile up this beautiful boy from Brooklyn.

Bucky and you lay beside each other on the bed, listening to the songs playing and not doing much else when you propped yourself up on an elbow and looked down at Bucky lying next to you. Seeing you, Bucky prompty shut his eyes, as if that could evade the conversation that he knew was coming up.

“Buckyyy,” you poked his shoulder, “cho na thakur dekhte berobo. Aar toh ei koyekdin'i thaakbe.”

You pouted in protest as he popped his eyes open to look at you. It was well into the evening, the pandals would be lit now! Melas would be in full swing!

“Amio toh aar ei koyekdin'i thaakbo.”

His voice was low when he spoke and the reality hit you like a suckerpunch to the face. Bucky was here for exactly as long as pujo was. When pujo ended, he’d be gone too. He was your clichéd pujo prem except, except you thought over the last few days it might be turning out to be a little more than that. It just happened to make things worse. As heavy as your heart felt, you tried your best to make light of it.

“Chuudbi, tai bole erom guilt trip?” You asked softly, teasingly. Bucky however, didn’t falter for even a second. Looking straight into your eyes with a warm, piercing gaze he said right back,

“Chuudbo na, bhalobashbo.”

Oh. Your heart lurched at his words and you had run out of words to counter with. So you just stared at him, flustered, your eyes wide with how unprepared the moment caught you, not knowing what to say anymore. Any possible response was caught in your throat, you were choking on the possibilities. Your state hadn’t gone unnoticed by Bucky, he loved how he easily he could throw you off with the tiniest of comments and right now, he was drinking in the expression on your face. He meant it though, he always meant every word of it. Fucking you, as much as he loved it didn’t come quote close to what he really wanted, which was to lay you down and make you feel exactly how you made him feel. He wanted to make you feel like how you felt at the top of those ferris wheels, like the whole world could be yours and then make you come crashing down. He wanted to love you and to make love to you. Preferably in your shari and preferably in that randomly matched set of underwear which he’d seen only just once but had gotten pretty fond of. Bucky said things yes, but Bucky also meant them. Bucky meant when he said he’d rather see you undress than the pandals and when you’d blushed deeply and shoved him with your elbows he’d only laughed because he enjoyed seeing you worked up, but that in no way meant he wasn’t serious about his offer. However, as much as Bucky wanted to pick who he wanted to worship during pujo he also loved seeing you cheerful and giggly and he knew you loved the pandal hopping routine. Why? He didn’t get that but he knew it did make you happy and watching your eyes light up with joy was the next best thing so, Bucky caved.

“Cho, bolli na thakur dekhte berobo? Kothaye jaabi?” Bucky had to poke you to shake you from your self induced trance of staring at him. You smiled shyly as you replied, “Maddox'e jaabo chol.”

Maddox Square was walking distance from your house. It took you a while to drape your shari properly again although this time you went a little lax with the aanchol. The pleats were barely there on your kunchi too but you figured as long as it stayed on your body, it was good enough for you. You did have to pry Bucky away from you more than a couple of time while you got dressed again. He slipped on his kurta in a matter of seconds and came up behind you while you stood in front of the dresser, getting in the way of well, everything. Saying his hands “wandered where they shouldn’t have been” would be polite at most. Several giggles, repeated offers about staying back being worth it and one nearly unsuccessful attempt to open your shari later, you finally got Bucky out of the house.

“It’s really not fair. You’re supposed to walk around in that and I’m supposed to do nothing about it?” Bucky’s clearly disgruntled tone only made you shake your head and laugh. You moved closer to him and slowly laced your fingers with his as you both walked down the street. That seemed to quiet him and you began to talk about something rather enthusiastically. But Bucky didn’t have a clue what about because when looked over at you, excitedly gesturing about something, nonchalantly walking in a shari, everything else seemed to fade away and it was one of those instants when Bucky knew he was a goner. You were blissfully unaware of the fact that you held his heart in your hands and Bucky only looked on, transfixed.

Maddox Square was crowded but not as badly as you’d expected it to be, especially on oshtomi evening. You made it to the pandal without much trouble, the only trouble being you had to drag Bucky along with you like a stubborn 5 year old. He wanted to go to every single stall at that very moment and pointed at every possible direction other than the one you were going in. You knew most of it was just to get on your nerves so you just glared at him, sternly shook your head and dragged him along, shaking your head and smiling to yourself. On entering the pandal you smiled at the idol, they did the same daak'er shaaj every year it really was a timeless design. You bowed your head in a quick prayer and turned around expecting to see Bucky do the same by your side but of course he wasn’t there. You found him over by the entrances instead, intently examining something. 

“Bucky it’s Durga Pujo, janish toh? Ekbar’o thakur'ta dekhbi na?”

Bucky looked at you and explicitly ran his eyes over you from head to toe before cheekily replying with a smirk,

“Amar ja dekhar ami dupurbelatei dekhe niyechhi.”

You couldn’t help the shocked expression on your face, a result of the multiple emotions you felt all in that one second.

“Tor lojja korena?” You asked, playfully admonishing him, although you both knew that would do him no good. Bucky was too insolent for his own good. He knew it and he also knew the effect it had on you. It hadn’t been very long but he was learning how to push your buttons at a breakneck speed. Bucky grinned, a dimple popping in his right cheek and shamelessly replied,

“Koi, na toh.”

You only rolled your eyes in exasperation, a smile sneaking its way onto your face despite your best efforts as you walked past him and out of the pandal. You were doing your best to pretend to ignore the fact that Bucky was making your heart go a mile a minute but you weren’t sure how well your efforts were working.

As you found out soon enough, Bucky was an absolute menace when he wanted to be. You’d found some friends in the crowd and Bucky and you decided to sit with them for the band performance. It was already becoming increasingly difficult to control your emotions around Bucky, even your hormones for that matter and the little shit that Bucky was, he wasn’t making it any easier for you. You’d shifted around till you’d decided that the most comfortable position would be to sit in front of Bucky and lean back into him. You didn’t realize what you were getting into until after the band had started singing. He’d held you innocently enough, his arms snugly wrapped around your middle with his head resting on your shoulder. Admittedly the thoughts racing in your mind given your current position weren’t very innocent but even then, the kisses that Bucky occasionally planted on your cheeks were sweet and harmless enough. That was until Bucky’s hands slipped in under your aanchol and started caressing your stomach with his fingertips and his kisses started dipping lower. You yelped and then immediately covered your mouth with your hands when you felt the unmistakable cool touch of metal on your sensitive skin. When you turned around to glare at him he only whispered into your ears, his voice an entire octave lower and suddenly much more rough, “How long were you expecting me to last? I can only play nice for so long, doll.” You gulped at his tone and shivered as he placed a trail of wet open mouthed kisses down your neck, giving you no time to think straight or even breathe. You desperately tried to ignore the hot, wet pool that was forming in between your legs but it wasn’t any good.

“Kichu khabi? Badam aache, ooh candy floss khabi?” You lamely tried to shift the focus elsewhere as you pointed to the number of peddlers roaming nearby but Bucky was being relentless.

“Toke khai?”

His unbelievably low voice coupled with him stroking your lower stomach with his metal fingers almost made you choke. His tone sounded like he was asking for permission only to be polite and not because he really needed it. You blushed hard at his shameless words, your reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky and he was loving every second of it. You shyly replied, “Ekhon na. Pore.”

Bucky grinned, leaning in once again and punctuating his words with cheeky kisses.

“Ekhon ektuo na?” You looked at him and nodded bashfully, a smile playing on your lips which didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky. “Ektu? Na?” He took to tickling, causing you peals of laughter as you still shook your head and asked him to stop in between breaths. Your laughter was infectious and even Bucky couldn’t keep his broody face on for long before giving in and laughing with you. Once he finally stopped (you had to plead and eventually shove his hands away, he was having too much fun) both of you had years in your eyes from laughing so hard and were gasping for breath before settling down. When you looked back at Bucky, his face was illuminated with the pandal lights and you thought he’d never looked prettier. You smiled sweetly at him and kissed him chastely on the lips.

“What was that for?” Bucky looked amused.

“For being you,” you simply replied and kissed the top of his nose. As always Bucky scrunched his face up when you did that which made you giggled and take comfort in the little constants. Content, you turned back around and moved around a little on purpose before finding the perfect position with Bucky, leaned back and watched the rest of the performance. Although once in a while you did have to pry off some hands with a stern glare and Bucky always relented with a grin and a kiss. If you had to describe heaven on earth, for you it would’ve been exactly that evening.

It was late when the show ended and having nothing better to do at 2am you decided to walk back to your house, your hands inevitably ending up being laced with his. It was a strange thing to say but somehow you really liked the grip of Bucky’s hand when he held yours, it made you feel safe somehow. Your hand wasn’t that much smaller than his but it fit. You liked how it fit. You’d realized you were beginning to like a lot of things about Bucky and you’d decided a couple of days ago to just run with whatever happened. 

While walking back you both talked about a lot of things. His life in new york, his work, his asshole friends (who were hilarious according to you which only made Bucky stop in the middle of the street to scowl at you), your life here, your studies, your asshole university “friends” (who Bucky also agreed were assholes so you stopped in the middle of the street to proudly beam at him, hand on your chest and all). Sometimes there were silences but they were never awkward, they felt comfortable and the entire time neither of you let go of each other’s hands. Every few minutes Bucky would say something flirty and you would roll your eyes in response but that was only externally. Internally though, you felt like you’d combust from the giddiness each time, the effect never wore off.

“Achha shon.”

“Hmm?”

“Tui new york'eo erom shobar shathe chutiye flirt korish bol?” You’d asked the question innocently enough but a part of you was desperate to really know if he meant any of it or if it was all friendly banter. You knew it was foolish and childlike but you couldn’t help reading into his actions, even if it was the tiniest bit. How could you not? He had to mean at least some of it, right? Bucky however responded without a second thought.

“Mhm. Eta shudhu tor shathei kori.”

Your heart soared at his words as you hesitantly, softly asked the next question, your heart beating faster.

“Keno?”

Bucky turned to look at you and shook his head with a smile and said, “Shob bole dile toh hoyei gelo.”

What? Did that mean what you thought it meant? What was it supposed to mean? His reply infuriated you because it only made you want to ask him a million follow up questions but you suppressed your urge and let it be. It didn’t feel like the right time and somewhere, at the back of your head, there was a nagging feeling that it was maybe what you wanted it to be. 

Both of you kept on walking and entered the narrow, very shady lane that you had to cross to get to your house. It was usually dimly lit with one barely functioning streetlamp but some para committee had decided to deck it up with a canopy of pink fairy lights this time round. You didn’t know why but you felt like right at that moment you had to say it else you would never stop regretting this one moment. You stopped midway and tugged on his hand, the one he was holding. Bucky stopped and looked back in confusion, what did you want? You said nothing only tugged his hand once more and Bucky got the hint, he came closer and stood facing you. The pink light fell on his tousled hair and made the brown of his eyes look softer. You couldn’t tell if it was helping or detailing your purpose and you were too lost in his eyes to care.

“Kii hoyeche?” Bucky looked concerned, he didn’t understand why you’d stopped him so close to your home and he was trying his hardest to not focus on how the light made your lips look even more irresistible than usual. He didn’t think it was possible, he really didn’t and he also knew if you kept gnawing your lips for a second more he wouldn’t stand much longer. Bucky could tell that there was something on your mind so he gently coaxed you to help you say it, not knowing what it was going to be.

“Bucky ami toke-”

You began hesitantly, wondering if you were trespassing some unknown territory; your voice a whisper, barely audible even in the stillness of the night all around you.

The moment the first few words were out Bucky knew where this was going and he cut you off midway. He knew what you were going to say and he refused to let you finish. His voice was soft but pleading as if he needed to not know what you were about to say, except he already did.

“Bolish na.”

“Kintu-”

His voice caught yours halfway through the sentence again, sounding more torn this time than the last, as if trying fruitlessly to avoid the inevitable.

“Please bolish na.”

You dropped your gaze, smiled at him and held out your hand. Bucky took it and the two of you made it back to your house, to your room in silence. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, on the contrary, the silence seemed to say a lot more than what was spoken aloud. You changed out of your shari and went to stand outside in your balcony, looking down on the streets still filled with enthusiastic all nighters and catching whiffs of their conversations out of context. You felt Bucky’s warmth beside you before you felt Bucky.

“Onek raat hoyeche. Shute aashbi na?”

You nodded wordlessly and followed him back to bed but as you lay down the urge to say the words out loud kept gnawing at you. You tossed and turned and tried shutting your eyes but sleep refused to grace you. You looked to see Bucky on his side, little did you know that he was awake and struggling with the same thing as you were. After several minutes of debating the pros, the cons and being unable to fall asleep as a way to deal with the problem, you decided to throw caution to the wind and say it out at least once. Bucky was asleep anyway, not like he would hear you. You were so restless it felt like that was the only thing that could bring you peace, even momentarily. Building up to it and letting it fester within was only making things worse. However, the moment you opened his mouth and spoke his name, all your self motivated courage flew out of the window. Your voice was small and tiny once again and you spoke with hesitant pauses, like saying it aloud would make it more real and unretractable.

“Toke bhishon, bhishon bhalobeshe felechhi Bucky.”

Your voice was a whisper as you allowed yourself to finish what you’d started back in that narrow lane. Your heartbeat raced and then fell to a dull pace within a matter of seconds. That was until you heard and saw the faint outline of the body next to you shuffling, causing your heart to spike up again. Bucky turned around and spoke, his voice low and defeated, like he couldn’t fight this anymore and even he knew that.

“Baron korechhilam na bolte.”

Silence. Neither of you could look at each other, refusing to face the obvious.

“Jaani.”

Silence once again but as you turned to your side to steal a glance at Bucky, you saw he was already looking at you. His soft brown eyes had locked onto your own and you couldn’t move your gaze away even if you tried, you didn’t want to either.

“Ebar ami flight'ta dhorbo kikore?”

There was the slightest smile on your face at his words, mixed with a strange faraway sadness that you’d never felt before.

“Tahole dhorish na?”

Your voice was a hopeful whisper and the question lingered in the air, unanswered. As both of you struggled to fall asleep, it terrified you that you may never feel the same way about another person ever again and it broke your heart that you didn’t see a single thing you could do about that. Little did you know, that right next to you, Bucky felt the exact same way.

Tomar kaandhe amar nishhash ami benche aachi tomar bhalobashaye;


End file.
